somewhere out there...

My first love is advertising. I fell in love with it the moment Mr. Estrella introduced it to us. And for one gruelling year it became my life, the center of my universe. Nothing matters more than advertising. I knew advertising was what I want to do. I was made to create ads with a 'whaaaapppppaaaakkkk!!' feel to it.

After graduation, I strayed for awhile from the path I wanted to take. But after a month or so, I was again intent on getting a job in an ad agency. Sad thing is, I lack the heart to continue when the very thing I wanted the most is already in front of me. Yes I am a coward. I hesitate to grab opportunities presented to me. And before I know it, the very thing I dreamed of is out of my sight. Doubt always get the better of me. I doubt myself, I lack confidence but most of all, I am afraid to fail. The fear of failing makes bring out the worst in me. It stops me from doing things I want to do. The truth is, I am my own enemy. I am the biggest obstacle in achieving my dream. But little by little, I am learning face my fears. 

And so, after my short stint at a call center company and seven months after graduation, I found myself working at an events company. If there's one thing I hated the most back in college it would be mounting an event. I remember how tiring planning and executing an event was. But lo and behold! Who would have thought I'd end up as an events assistant huh? To tell the truth, I was blinded by the opportunity to travel abroad. That's the sole reason why I wanted the job. I want to travel you know. While working at the events company, somewhere along the way I lost most of myself. Gone was the optimistic me. My smiles turned to frowns. I easily snapped at people. Halfway through 2008, I realized that my work was not healthy for me. The more I learned how much I changed, the more I wanted out. You see, it's not a good change for me. I became someone I don't like especially when it comes to work. I prided myself with getting a work done on time. A good work at that. But at work, it seems like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try it's still not good enough. And the fear to fail became stronger than before. He says that it's okay to make mistakes. But he's such a contradictory fellow. Make a mistake, then you're branded for life. He will not remember all the good things you have done but the mistakes you made. Honestly, up until now I still don't feel good about him. For all the sufferings and hurtful words and emails I received from him, the demoralization it'll take time to forget. Good thing about my previous work were the people. They sure made my work life less stressful. Such supportive people really made me happy. But more often than not, the unhappy times outweighs the happy times. So I decided to leave. It'll be good for me, for the people around me and espcially for him. Just the thought of leaving the company made me happy. A heavy burden in my heart was lifted. I felt liberated. I became more happy each day. And at last I'm out of that hell-ish work. But I must say, I really learned a lot from my experience in my past work. 

Over the course of two years, I learned that to make something happen I have to take action. So slowly but surely, I am trying to take a step at a time towards my dream.