Fickle
: "marked by lack of steadfastness, constancy, or stability"
: "given to erratic changeableness"
(Merriam-Webster Dictionary. http://m-w.com)
Fickle is one of the many words that can describe me. Being fickle is one trait that I am not proud of. I want some thing now as in really really want, but in a blink of an eye or even a fraction of a second poof!! I don't want it anymore. Which brings me to this dilema: I want this but I'm not really sure of that anymore. I'm beginning to be confusing now I know. Bear with me or just don't try to grasp whatever I'm trying to convey here because believe me you'll just be confused. I want so many things in life, so many things, but I also want that, and I also want another thing and another and another and another and the list goes on. I really don't know what to do regarding with this matter. I am not a very good decision maker and I don't want to make a decision right now without giving it much consideration and deliberation. I know I must weigh the pros and cons first before jumping into any decision. Oh my!! what to do?! What to do?!
My bak is aching, I have to lie down now... Argh!!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
Happy Shalala!!
I wonder why I can easily cry when I see people hurting, sad or crying. It's as if I can feel their pain, agony and suffering. But why can't I cry for myself?
A little bit of everything
May 27, marks the last week of May for year 2007. Bye bye excruciating heat and sunny sunshine, hello rain, heavy clouds and oh!! let's not forget flood. Supposedly by this time I'm already preparing stuff for the new school year. But this year and for the years to come it'll be different. No more shopping for school supplies, books, bags or shoes. Those things that I've been doing for the last 16 years of my life before the new school year starts will soon become a distant memory of a now graduate student.
When I was still studying all I can think about is graduating so I can finally earn my own money. Buy the things I want and eat at retaurants and eat more. I never actually thought that it will be this hard to let go of the things you've been accustomed to for the past 16 years. 16 years of studying, 16 years of spending 75% of my life inside the classroom, 16 years of making projects and reports and 16 years of priceless experience. When I was in college sometimes I think about the good old days in high school, wishing that the hands of time will turn back to those years. Now I wish I was a college student again, eager to see my blockmates at the first day of the new school year and excited to exchange stories of our summer adventures.
Now, it'll be different. All of us will face the 'real world' for the working people and that, will also be our 'real world' now. And I'm afraid. Most of my classmate are working now. I used to work but I resigned and I don't want to go on with the details about that matter. So... yeah, most of them I think already knows what they really want to do in life and I'm happy for them. I really want each and every one from CA1 to be successful. But as for me, I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do. I want an exciting work, a work that will allow me to travel and learn new things about stuff not discussed inside the classroom.
Sometimes I feel lonely that I won't be able to spend time with my classmates especially with Amz and Pinks. Also, Labs has a work na as an agent for a call center I'm afraid that we won't see each other that much anymore or text each other as much as we want to because by the time she's working and awake I'm sleeping. And everything is changing fast. Change that I must accept. And I don't really know how I feel. It's a mixture of fear and loneliness and add a spoonful of pressure, not from anyone but from myself. I want more in life and I hunger for adventure yet I'm not brave enough to make it happen, to search for my happiness and place in this new world.
This whole world will be my classroom now where everyone is both a teacher and a student.
When I was still studying all I can think about is graduating so I can finally earn my own money. Buy the things I want and eat at retaurants and eat more. I never actually thought that it will be this hard to let go of the things you've been accustomed to for the past 16 years. 16 years of studying, 16 years of spending 75% of my life inside the classroom, 16 years of making projects and reports and 16 years of priceless experience. When I was in college sometimes I think about the good old days in high school, wishing that the hands of time will turn back to those years. Now I wish I was a college student again, eager to see my blockmates at the first day of the new school year and excited to exchange stories of our summer adventures.
Now, it'll be different. All of us will face the 'real world' for the working people and that, will also be our 'real world' now. And I'm afraid. Most of my classmate are working now. I used to work but I resigned and I don't want to go on with the details about that matter. So... yeah, most of them I think already knows what they really want to do in life and I'm happy for them. I really want each and every one from CA1 to be successful. But as for me, I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do. I want an exciting work, a work that will allow me to travel and learn new things about stuff not discussed inside the classroom.
Sometimes I feel lonely that I won't be able to spend time with my classmates especially with Amz and Pinks. Also, Labs has a work na as an agent for a call center I'm afraid that we won't see each other that much anymore or text each other as much as we want to because by the time she's working and awake I'm sleeping. And everything is changing fast. Change that I must accept. And I don't really know how I feel. It's a mixture of fear and loneliness and add a spoonful of pressure, not from anyone but from myself. I want more in life and I hunger for adventure yet I'm not brave enough to make it happen, to search for my happiness and place in this new world.
This whole world will be my classroom now where everyone is both a teacher and a student.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Ranting
Sleep is what I wanted most after almost a year of sleepless nights due to amazingly heavy load of school works. And now I'm unemployed and a professional bum again who has all the sweet time in the world to sleep and yet can't. You see, even though I'm so sleepy I can't stop myself from staying up until the witching hours. I already know that my body-clock is all screwed up and just when I thought I already got it fixed, it went haywire again. I sleep at around four in the morning and I wake up at around seven in the morning also. More or less I only get two-to-three hours of sleep and I don't like that, I really don't. *sigh* I know it's my fault, why I'm not getting enough sleep. I stay up late surfing the net then after that I'll read a book and I know I really need to stop this bad habbit of staying up late. I should start now but the PC won't let me go haha!! Yes!! It's the PC's fault!!
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Ranting
Kahapon May 1, Labor Day and it's an official holiday so mas mataas ang rate per hour sa work hehe.. Sana yumaman ako sa pag OT lagi haha!!
Birthday ngayon ni lola yey!! hehehe.. punta kayo sa bahay ang daming spaghetti nyahaha!!
Grabe, almost everyday I feel like pulling my hair out from its roots. I feel frustrated over something na alam ko na ako ang may gawa. Nafrufrustrate lang talaga ako.
Birthday ngayon ni lola yey!! hehehe.. punta kayo sa bahay ang daming spaghetti nyahaha!!
Grabe, almost everyday I feel like pulling my hair out from its roots. I feel frustrated over something na alam ko na ako ang may gawa. Nafrufrustrate lang talaga ako.
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