Mommy this is all your fault and your blog entry about nice guys!
Yes, nice guys finish last. Same goes for the good girls out there. But sometimes I think that nice guys are the mediocre type of person as well as the nice girls. Why be the nice one, wait for the person you like and finish last? Why not do something about it?
hmmm...
I soooooooooo soooooooooo haaaaaatttttteeeeee myself right now! I want to scream at myself for being such a soft hearted type of person. I really find it hard to say no to people who needs my help even strangers! Abby, a friend of mine told me that not being able to say no to people is one of my weaknesses. I never really noticed that I find it hard to say no to people until Abby pointed it out.
I want to cry buckets of tears right now and bawl myself out. No matter how I look at what had recently transpired, I just can't get rid of this feeling of loss. A loss of Php. 6650 to be exact. Now I want to receive my credit card bill and pay the due amount as soon as possible. I know I asked for some drive to find a new job and stop lazing around the house. But I never thought that that drive will come in as an endowment plan.
Now I feel so pressured to find work as soon as possible because I have an endowment plan to pay (though I plan to call them and inform them that I won't be able to pay until I find work), a pagudpud trip on summer and my savings not getting anywhere I wanted it to be.
So from this day forward I'm OFFICIALLY A HERMIT until I find a work. So with a heavy heart I have to say so long to shopping, foods, gimmicks and books temporarily.
This is such a bummer. :(
My first love is advertising. I fell in love with it the moment Mr. Estrella introduced it to us. And for one gruelling year it became my life, the center of my universe. Nothing matters more than advertising. I knew advertising was what I want to do. I was made to create ads with a 'whaaaapppppaaaakkkk!!' feel to it.
After graduation, I strayed for awhile from the path I wanted to take. But after a month or so, I was again intent on getting a job in an ad agency. Sad thing is, I lack the heart to continue when the very thing I wanted the most is already in front of me. Yes I am a coward. I hesitate to grab opportunities presented to me. And before I know it, the very thing I dreamed of is out of my sight. Doubt always get the better of me. I doubt myself, I lack confidence but most of all, I am afraid to fail. The fear of failing makes bring out the worst in me. It stops me from doing things I want to do. The truth is, I am my own enemy. I am the biggest obstacle in achieving my dream. But little by little, I am learning face my fears.
And so, after my short stint at a call center company and seven months after graduation, I found myself working at an events company. If there's one thing I hated the most back in college it would be mounting an event. I remember how tiring planning and executing an event was. But lo and behold! Who would have thought I'd end up as an events assistant huh? To tell the truth, I was blinded by the opportunity to travel abroad. That's the sole reason why I wanted the job. I want to travel you know. While working at the events company, somewhere along the way I lost most of myself. Gone was the optimistic me. My smiles turned to frowns. I easily snapped at people. Halfway through 2008, I realized that my work was not healthy for me. The more I learned how much I changed, the more I wanted out. You see, it's not a good change for me. I became someone I don't like especially when it comes to work. I prided myself with getting a work done on time. A good work at that. But at work, it seems like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try it's still not good enough. And the fear to fail became stronger than before. He says that it's okay to make mistakes. But he's such a contradictory fellow. Make a mistake, then you're branded for life. He will not remember all the good things you have done but the mistakes you made. Honestly, up until now I still don't feel good about him. For all the sufferings and hurtful words and emails I received from him, the demoralization it'll take time to forget. Good thing about my previous work were the people. They sure made my work life less stressful. Such supportive people really made me happy. But more often than not, the unhappy times outweighs the happy times. So I decided to leave. It'll be good for me, for the people around me and espcially for him. Just the thought of leaving the company made me happy. A heavy burden in my heart was lifted. I felt liberated. I became more happy each day. And at last I'm out of that hell-ish work. But I must say, I really learned a lot from my experience in my past work.
Over the course of two years, I learned that to make something happen I have to take action. So slowly but surely, I am trying to take a step at a time towards my dream.
Scared. Confuse. Stagnant.
My inner compass had gone haywire. And now I'm standing on a crossroad with a blank look on my face. I am super loss.
I don't know how to get there. So here I am standing still afraid to take a step.
And so I heard that writing is not for me. I feel sad that some people think that way. But I'm thankful anyway because they're just being true to me. But still it hurts.
It's no secret that I want to be a writer and I want to write and have my own drama series one day. I may not be an expert in grammar, I may not really know how to play with words nor use big words but I do like writing.
I will try again and again to write. I'll continuously improve myself. In the end, all that really matter is what I want and I what I did to achieve it.
I'm so bored... And because of boredom I started exercising (hip hop abs to be exact). Doing hip hop abs makes me feel good. My muscles are stretched, I'm sweating and I feel so active. So maybe boredom can bring out good things. Like awhile ago, I was so bored I started doing yoga. Just the basic moves, position and the breathing exercise. I felt my muscles stretching and it felt so good.
I just hope I never get tired of hip hop abs and yoga.
Again, I find myself standing on a crossroad. And honestly, I don't know which path to follow. I know where I want to go, I know what I want to do and yet I don't how to start.
For now I'm a drifter until further notice.
Symptoms of Edward Cullen Fever:
If you have two or more symptoms mentioned above, then there is no doubt that you have been hit by the Edward Cullen fever.
I'm sorry for the Edward Cullen fanatics out there, but up until now it baffles me what makes girls go gaga over him. So what if he's impossibly beautiful, a superb pianist, drives a silver volvo and romantic? Maybe, it's because up until now many girls (not just the teens) still believes in a prince charming (okay... the love scrooge is emerging again). Or in this case, a vampire like prince charming in which people saw in Edward.
I've seen the movie and read the books but I still don't get it. He's just not my type maybe.
So I was curious and searched the net for some information. But I swear I was not prepared to know the truth. Errr... scratch that, rather I was not prepared for what I saw.
I was listening to the morning rush and they mentioned about herpes. Yes herpes! The sexually transmitted disease. They mentioned that herpes does not go away (?) but remains dormant. So the curious kitty in me came out and searched the net about herpes. I should have known that curiosity killed the cat. I was not prepared to see herpes! I mean, herpes on the mouth and face I can handle but on the genitals? Ack! I still` cringe when I think about what I saw. I should have not scrolled down the page but well, curiosity got the better of me.
So be very very careful when you do the deed. Ack!
This is a very very late year in review entry...
2008 was a roller coaster ride. It was exciting, fun and scary. There were so many loops, uphills and downhills. And just when I thought that the ride was over, well let's just say I didn't see another loop ahead. Oh how many times have I wanted to stop the wild ride but I can't, I have to finish the ride.
2008 was a fruitful year. I learned alot and gained much treasured experience from here in the Philippines and abroad. I became less selfish or I would like to think so. There were also a lot of "first time" for me. I was able to travel abroad, the white water rafting at Ayung River, Bali, Indonesia and I met a lot of people from different country. It was a very hard year for me but it was fun.
Forget about the downhills of the ride. I just want to remember the uphills and the exciting yet scary loops of the roller coaster ride that was 2008.
Grabe nung akala ko na reach ko na ang limit ko, i'm proven wrong. Eto na naman!! At eto na naman yung feeling na ayaw ko na. Sobrang decided na ako na tumigil at maging irresponableng tao pero di ko naman magawa.
God, I believe in you. I aked to be where I am right now. You gave me what I asked for. There is a reason why I am here. I am having a very hard time and I know I deserve this. Please help me get through thi coming months. I've reached my lowest point and I'm still recovering from my own inflicted torments. Sometimes I don't know how to go on anymore. Please help me. Please guide me. I believe and trust in You.
