observing and eavesdropping

When I travel or walk I tend to think a lot of things. Sometimes my facial expression changes depending on what I am thinking. So I always have to be mindful of my facial expressions. Because people might think that I'm a crazy lady roaming around. But more often than not, my thoughts are interrupted by my surroundings. It is because I notice and hear some things that's just too hard to pass.

One time as I was going home from work, I saw a man standing amidst a crowd. He was talking on his mobile phone loudly. As I come near him I heard him say "Tita na sa Pampanga pa ako. Wala ako sa Manila. Sa next Monday pa balik ko ng Manila." As he was saying that I noticed people were giving him a funny look. Everyone who heard him knows that he is bluffing since he's standing on the walkway connecting Landmark and Greenbelt 5. it was so funny and I wanted to shout "Kuya na sa Landmark, Makati ka!" but of course I didn't. Haha.

And last month I saw an old man holding a large magnifying glass over his mobile phone. Talk about needing an eyeglass teehee. And I'm sure everyone who saw that would suggest he drop the magnifying glass and get eyeglasses. But what do I know? A magnifying glass is cheaper than eyeglasses.

Ooohh... And just this week I heard and saw many interesting things. Hmmm... Yesterday as I was going home I overheard two friends (two girls to be exact) talking about family problems. I swear I tried not to listen but my inner chismosa got the best of me! I swear I really tried! So anyway, I felt bad for one of the girls. She wasn't able to review for her finals because her grandmother and mother were at her neck breathing fire of tirades on how she should treat people older than her. And earlier this week as I was waiting for the train to arrive I noticed a life size doll with green hair sitting on the stairs. I did a double take on that because it's not everyday you see a life size doll with green hair wearing candy-striped shirt and a bit on the emo side right? Well the "doll" moved and it strucked me that she is not a doll. The "doll" girl really stood out and people kept on loking at her. I mean who wouldn't stand out especially if you have green hair right? But I envy that girl. She have guts to dye her hair green. If given the chance I want to have blue hair.

Sana may money tree

Bakit habang tumatanda mga tao lalong nagiging komplikado ang buhay? Nung mas bata pa ako ang tingin ko ang komplikado ng buhay ng isang bata. Ngayon naman naisip ko na ang simple lang pala ng buhay dati.

Dati masaya na ako pag may limang piso ako. Ang dami ko ng mabibili sa limang piso. Ngayon, kulang pa ang limang piso para pamasahe sa jeep. Di ko masyado naisip nung bata ako na mahirap makakuha ng pera. Hihingi lang ako kila mama o lola may pera na ako. Samantala ngayon di na ako makahingi ng pera sa kanila. Sila na ang kailangang bigyan ng pera. Kung alam ko lang nung bata ako na di pala ganun kadali magkapera sana dati pa naisipan ko na mag ipon at magtipid.

Sa panahon ngayon pera talaga ang nag papaikot ng mundo. Kung wala kang pera magugtom ka, di ka din makakapag-aral sa magandang eskwelahan, walang pangtustos sa pangaraw-araw na pangangailangan atbp. Sabi nga nila ang may pera nag iisip kung paano pa magkakapera at ang walang pera naman ay nag iisip kung paano gagastusin ang pera. Nakakatawa pero totoo.

Sa totoo lang naiinis ako dahil pinakumplika ng pera ng buhay.

The red day

A week before Valentine's Day, news and articles kept coming up about love, romantic getaways, gift suggestions and everything and anyhting that one could associate with the red V-Day. For a person who is not in a relationship, V-Day could only be called as the "Single Awareness Day". Some single people may dread it, some treat it lke a normal day and some celebrate special ocassions in this day.

When I was little, I used to view Valentine's Day as a day where lovers can be extra sweet and lovable to their significant others. It is a day where people give chocolates and flowers. A day where lovers date in the mall or at the park. But as I grew older, V-Day became less extraordinary. Just like my birthday and any other ocassion it became an ordinary day. It's not because I'm sigle or anything, it's just that things got so mundane. Or maybe I am just jaded. But if I ever find myself in a relationship maybe V-Day won't be just an ordinary day. But right now, I find it ridiculous to be extra sweet and loving to your loved one just because it's Valentines Day. People can be super sweet and loving any day they want to. But why Valentine's Day? I blame it all on those capitalists also known as greeting card companies and other companies who capitalize on V-Day haha. But I think they should also capitalize Feb. 14 as "Single Awareness Day" because it would also generate some profit. Not every single ladies and men are envious of peple who are in love. And those people won't be ashamed to celebrate "Single Awareness Day". Maybe I should draft a business plan and pitch this plan to companies haha.

Actually, Valentine's Day can be celebrated by people not included in the primary target market of those capitalists. Families or friends can go out, dine out, go to mass since it's St. Valentine's feats day, climb a moutain ike what my friend did, watch a movie or d what ever that'll make you happy. Valentine's Day isn't just for lovers or for single people who are made aware of their singleness. It's for everyone who knows how to love and be loved.

Belated St. Valentine's Day everyone! May love be with each and everyone always.

I learned...

It's no secret that I still harbor bitter feelings with my former boss. There are so many things that I don't like about him. And it'll take hours to list down all those things. But even if I suffered mental and emotional stress because of him, I can't deny the fact that I learned a lot from him. He might be an egotistical sly dementor kind of boss but you'll learn from him.

While working at his company I learned to value my time. We were always being lectured about time management and staying ahead of the curve. Walk and chew gum as he would often say. Meaning, multitask. I learned how to alot time for each item in my daily(detailed day to day work) and weekly(general and important work) schedule.

One of the most important thing I learned from him was do not pass the blame and own your mistake. He said that people wouldn't learn if they keep on blaming others. I was relatively new when I was tasked to order papers from our supplier. Since I was new and I didn't know the supplier I asked a colleague to help me order some papers. Turned out, he ordered the wrong brand of paper which was also super thin that we were not able to use it. I was horrified because money was wasted and because I know we will talk about it in our staff meeting. I owned up for that mistake. I realized that I was part of that mistake. I may not be the one who ordered those papers but I didn't check if my colleague ordered the right ones. I was just disappointed that my cplleague didn't even acknowledged his mistake and just laughed at what happened.

The lessosn I learned from him are valuable. There are still other lessons but I'm too lazy to write more so there. ;p

MRT Characters

Since I started working I've been riding the MRT every morning to go to work. It's the safest and fastest mode of transportation in the Metro. And God knows how happy I was when the MRT started to operate at 4am-12 midnight. The only thing I dread about riding the MRT is the rush hour. The platform turns in to a battlefield during rush hour. Also, going in and out of the train during rush hour is a struggle. I've heard a lot of different stories from friends about riding the MRT during rush hour. Some were funny and amusing while some are not so good. I've seen people become fierce and violent just to get inside the train. Everyday I hear people shouting at each other especially at Cubao station. Without a doubt the most fierce MRT riders are from Cubao station.

In more than a year riding the MRT I've notice certain types of people riding the train.

1. Bayani- these are the few people who are willing to give their seat to the elderly, a parent carrying his or her small child, pregnant women, and the disabled.
2. Manhid or the Blind- this type is the opposite of Bayani. Obviously, they couldn't care less if a pregnant woman or an elderly is having a hard time standing up while traveling.
3. Pushers- Ang mga pusher ang tagatulak ng bato. No this is not the illegal thingy. The pushers will push and push people especially the "bato" type of people so they can ride the train. Sometimes the meekest rider can turn in to a Pusher if needed.
4. Bato- Syempre kung may pusher may mga bato na dapat itulak. But like what I stated on item three, this is not the illegal stuff. Eto yung mga taong tinubuan na yata ng ugat sa kinatatayuan nila at di sila gagalaw or aalis sa kinatatayuan nila. This is the sub-type of manhid. They wouldn't even care whether they are blocking the way or hindering people from getting in or out of the train. Bato sila at di sila gagalaw sa pwesto nila unless maging pusher ka at itulak sila.
5. Surot- A surot is a type of insect that likes to hide in small places like a crack on a wooden floor or bed. This insect typically comes out at night and suck blood from people. Unlike the insect, the surot type passenger doesn't suck blood nor they only ride the train at night. Eto yung mga tao na mahilig sumiksik kahit wala ng masiksikan. Sometimes no matter how big this surot type of person is, he or she will still be able to cramp his or herself in a small space.
6. Magnetized- This is the type that is strongly attracted to the vertical pole or bar inside the train. Kahit gaano kaluwag sa gitna, makikipagkumpulan ang mga magnetized sa may door dahil nandun ang pole or vertical bar. This is a cross breed of manhid and bato. Care nila kung hinaharangan nila ang entrance at di makapasok yung ibang pasahero or di makalabas ang ibang tao. Masyado sila attracted sa pole eh, ayaw na nila itong bitawan hangga't di sila bababa.
7. Leaner- This is the level up version of magnetized crossed with manhid. Because a leaner loves the pole so much, he or she will not let other people hold on to it. He or she will lean on it. As in yung buong likod niya nakalapat sa vertical bar. The leaner wouldn't even care if people are already holding on to the pole. He or she will still lean on it. As a result the leaner wouldn't only be leaning on the pole but on to people's hand as well. Talk about being insensitive.
8. Confused- The confused type belongs to the male population only. No they are not confused about their sexuality. Rather, these men are not senior citizens, disabled, companion of a little child or a pregnant woman. These are men below 60 years old and they try to get in the first cart of the train. We all know that the first cart is for women, disabled and the elderly only. But sometimes yung mga makukulit eh magpupumilit pa din para lang makasakay agad.

From the list, what I don't like the most are the leaner and manhid. But I can be a pusher type if I'm not in the mood to be nice and I can be a bayani type if I'm feeling generous.

Just ranting

Paranoia is kicking in again. 

It's because I'm liking something right now and I'm afraid that it'll be taken away abruptly. I know this is the paranoid me thinking. And I've been paranoid since I can remember. I don't wnt to be like this. It really makes me restless.

For my peace of mind, I'll try my hardest to be more positive.God is good, always. 

Pet hate...

I'm a complainer by nature. Complaining and ranting relieves me from stress somehow. It's like an outlet, a channel through which I can let out all of my frustrations and hang ups in life. So it's no surprise that I have so many pet peeves. From the most mundane things to the more serious ones. Below are some of my pet peeves.

1. Mispelling of my name. I know my whole name is so hard to pronounce much more to spell. I don't know why but i really can't stop myself from telling people to spell my name with double 'n'. Strange but if people spell my name as Merlynjer, it's not as bad when people spell one of my nick names Merlynn with single 'n'.
2. People spitting anywhere and when ever they need to. I really cringe when I see people spit on the streets or any public areas. It's so unhygienic. Argh.
3. It really ticks me off when my brother doesn't return my books where he got it. I'm a bookworm and i treasure my books. So I don't like it when I see one of my books littering around our house.
4. Walking while it's raining. Main reason why I hate it is because of the idea of contacting all the dirt and germs on the wet road.
5. When people wake me up by screaming. It really makes me grumpy and angry in the morning.

Those are just some of my pet peeves. And I really get irritated easily so the list goes on and on.

All by myself....

When i was younger i used to abhor the idea of eating alone in any restaurant. The idea itself was so repulsive that I really can't see myself alone, eating in one corner with no one to talk to. Eating alone would mean that you're a loner with no friends and you look kawawa all by yourself. But as years go by and as I get older, I realized that eating alone is not as bad as I think it would be. I discovered that eating alone can be liberating. It's like shedding your dependent side and it shows that you are not afraid to be alone. That being alone is okay and you don't need other people to get by. I'm not saying that we don't need other people because I also belive that no man is an island. But in life people need to learn how to be all by themselves.

Recently I had this conversation with a friend. She told me that people eating alone looks like an "abnoy" (weird) person. Of course I told her that eating alone is not as bad as she think it was. It's just that she's so concious with her surrounding that a passing glance from someone would mean so many different things for her. When I was younger I'd be so concious when other people would look or spare a glance at me. I would feel like there was something wrong with me or if I have dirt on my face. It's really uncomfortable when other people and strangers look at you. But one day I just stopped caring if other people were looking at me. It just happened. I woke up one day and I couldn't care less if I'm all alone in one corner eating by myself. I discovered that doing things on your own is not really that bad. It was like freeing yourself from you. I also realized that when I'm alone, I'm more at peace with everything around me. I can think things through without any influence from other people.

It takes time before one can get used to eating alone. Besides I'm such a foodie and i wouldn't pass up an opportunity to eat even if I'm alone.

from labidabs blog

Gaya-gaya from Lab's blog.
Source: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on educationEducation is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Recognition day

It's a late reaction but goodness! He was gone too soon.

I was a senior kindergarthen student when I first heard the song 'Heal the World' by Michael Jackson. It was the song we used for our SK graduation. Each student had a role to play while singing along with the song. Some students were playing doctors, teachers, nurse, poverty stricken people etc. I played as one of the poverty stricken people. Pulubi in other words. For our costume, our teacher instructed us to wear unruly clothes with holes and dirt. My grandmother prepared my costume and I was satisfied with it. Come graduation day, one of my fellow 'pulubi' classmate told me that I don't look like a pulubi. She continued saying that the holes in my costume looked like it was designed to look sosyal. Though my costume looked sosyal and it doesn't fit the part I'm supposed to portray, I still played my part with enthusiasm. I still remember how everything looked so white on the stage, students singing along the song and during that time heal the world was one of my favorite songs.

It's so sad that MJ's gone. He is an icon. And every time I hear his heal the world song, i can't help but remember fond memories of my kindergarthen days. I am not one of his fans but I can't help feeling this tremendous loss. I was also anticipating his comeback concert even though I will not be able to watch it.

It's really sad. He was gone too soon.

My beloved baby

In less than a month the third annual Asian Publishing Convention (APC) will be held in Manila, Philippines. APC will always be one of my babies even though I will never be a part of the organizing team ever again.

APC was my first event wherein I am part of the core team. I was the delegate services coordinator and my main task was to take care of the needs of the delegates 'from womb to tomb' (as what my boss told me). Prospecting delegates was also one of my function in the team. Being the DSC was not easy especially for an event that doesn't really appeal to prospect delegates. It was so hard to get delegates even though we were giving free seats to those who register two delegates from one company. But even if there were so many hardships and hurdles along the way, APC was a success.

I have only fond memories of APC. Everything bad that had happened prior and during the event became blurred and I can't even remember some things that had happened. The APC memory file in my brain was probably overwritten by 'APC good memories only' file. I will not forget meeting my delegates, persuading people to fill out the feedback form, running back and forth from the reg booth to the secretariat, sharing stories with my very good student assistant, waking up so early in the morning, eating granola bars, meeting Jim and her husband, going to China Town, Esplanade and Sentosa, watching an Indian movie in the wee hours of the night, crying because of anger and riding the super cool interconnected trains of Singapore and cable cars.

Compared to other events that we handled last year, being the DSC of APC was relatively easy onsite compared to other events. I was lucky to have an understanding event manager (Tintin), very accomodating program coordinator (Ktin), my favorite awards coordinator (Jemah), the friendly media and PR coordinator (Shawn), my coffee maker IT guy (Warren) and my rolling on the bathroom floor DSC assistant (Grace) and the student assistants who made our lives easy (can't remember all their names).

(AP 2008 Team)

I hope the AP 2009 team will have a blast during the event this coming July. All the hardships and stress you've experienced this past few months will fade away once the event is over. I have only good wishes and prayers for all of you. Go AP '09 Team! Go! Go! Go! Aja!

Bad dream

I dreamt of losing teeth again. This time I didn't just lost five or four, I lost my whole teeth. In my dream my teeth involuntarily grinded each other. At first it was okay until the grinding became faster and faster. I noticed one of my teeth might fall off so I tried my best to stop the grinding. Lo and behold! After the grinding stop all of my tooth fell off except the one tooth I thought will fall out initially. I was so scared in my dream and I went to this doctor. But before the doctor sees me I woke up. Dreaming of a tooth being detached to your gums has a super bad meaning. Up until now I am still scared at the implications of that dream.

Of course the narration above is the shortened version of my dream. I'm starting to fear sleeping again. 

Just my opinion

Aside from the swine flu, typhoon Emong and Pacman's victory against Hatton what else interests Filipinos nowadays? Well, it' non other but Martin Nievera's rendition of Lupang Hinirang. 

I grew up singing the Lupang Hinirang every morning before classes starts. The tone, tempo and pitch is engraved in my heart. That is why every time I hear singers sing Lupang Hinirang differently my left eyebrow really goes up. It' not only Mr. Nievera that had sung Lupang Hinirang differently but other singers as well. Out of the singers that sung Lupang Hinirang in Paquiao's fight, Kyla's rendition was the best. 

I'm really frustrated with this issue regarding the right way to sing the Philippine's National Anthem. Every fight walang palya ibang version na naman ang maririnig mo. Sometimes I wonder what other nationalities watching were thinking about our national anthem. Because they hear different versions every time Paquiao has a fight. And personally I think it doesn't show unity and respect for the country. I bet Filipinos watching the fight were confused and a little bit thrown off when they heard the Lupang Hinirang last sunday at Paquiao's fight.

Singing the National Anthem in front of other nationalities is indeed a priviledge and an honor. People should sing it the way it's supposed to be. I understand that Mr. Nievera just want to deliver an athem that would make Filipinos proud. But it's not a song to show vocal prowess. I myself didn't like it. It was so different that I actually cringed while listening to it. No offense to Mr. Nievera. I actually like him as a singer.

Argh! It's really frustrating why can't Filipinos just sing one version of the Lupang Hinirang.

Some reflections

Over the holiday, I realized some things while watching some Lenten show specials. I realized that I can't let things go off that easily. I hold on. I try to repress my emotions simply because it is not me to be angry, melancholic or emo. But I can be hateful at times, not in the true sense of being hateful though. It takes a very long time for me to accept things and let it go. I am still learning. Learning to accept changes in life and let go.

Argh!

Why do I feel so hateful and resentful right now. It seems like I'm in a roller coaster of a mood swing. Yes I am moody but not hateful and resentful. I don't like this feeling and I feel bad that I feel this way.

Random musing...

I haven't ranted here for a long time now. So here's one.

***

Every summer I complain about the hot temperature without fail. I always tell a friend that the whole Philippines should have a cooler/air con. But last year I didn't feel the hotness that much. Maybe because I was cooped in a place called 'office' which is air conditioned. Anyway I felt the summer heat's full force this morning. It was so hot I had problems with my breathing and I felt a little bit faint. 

***

The paranoia is kicking in again. Last month our very malambing cat scratched my left thigh. And being the semi-hypohondriac that I am, I was scared I might get rabies from that simple scratch. So anyway, I felt light headed the other day (i think this is due to the hotness of that day), felt stinging pain in my left thigh and had short breaths for most of the day (again I blame this on the hot temperature). I thought 'oh my! are these symptoms of rabies?'. But getting rabies from a scratch is rare. It's just a case of paranoia.

***

The weather's so weird this week. Just lat monday it was scorhing hot! It was almost unbearably hot to the point I felt faint and kinda out of breath. But yesterday was a surprise. It rained for a while. And the relatively warm-ish/cool-ish temperature ontinued until yesterday. Oh it's raining outside by the way.

***

I miss them. My OIC friends. Next time I'll remind myself not to look at our photos. It makes me miss them like hell.

***

If being serious and ready means feeling like time is running out, then i want to feel laid back again. I so hate this feeling. Feeling like there's a timer set in front of me and I'm running out of time. I'm beginning to feel rushed. Goodness I really need something to keep me preoccupied.

***

The weird dreams are coming back... again. It's the kind of dream that scares me and makes me think. There was a time I felt scared by just sleeping. I was scared that those weird dreams will come back. The weird dreams were very rampant when I was still drawing. Sometimes I think if my dreaming and drawing were related or just a case of pent-up creative juices materializing as a weird dream.

***

Please let me have it.

Wow late reaction din

It's 3:30 in the morning and I have nothing to do. Just to entertain myself, I looked at some old pictures taken almost a year ago. And gad! nostalgia came crushing like a wave to the shore. I suddenly missed the people from OIC. 

I still remember the first thing that came to my mind the first time I met them. "Wow they're all so young". They all looked like fresh out from college. At first I was shy and reserve. I remember calling some of them Ma'am or miss and in return they'll tell me to call them in their first name. As months passed we came to know more about each other. They're all so nice. Kinda like the ates and kuyas I never had. 

Little by little the people I've come to know and grew very fond of started leaving one by one. The first to leave us were Mommy and Tutchi. I was very sad when they left. It was like taking away something away, like a brand new doll. A brand new doll that you adore and would like to spend more time with, share bedtime stories, be with you just because. It really tore my heart to see them go so soon. But I understand that they want to look for greener pastures and catch their dreams and make it finally come true. Then months later Emil our accountant/admin/expo coordinator left us. It really surprised me that Emil would leave us. But then again, he knew his priorities. And then, funny man/IT guy/graphic artist Warren followed those who left before him. He went for a truly greener pasture. And based from what I saw, he looks content and happy with his new work. Pancho the new IT guy who was supposed to replace Warren left so soon. Come to think of it, 2 week after Warren finally left Pancho followed suit. It's just not his cuo of tea. We've come to know him for only a short time but he really is helpful. He was able to put up with my ramblings and pagtataray. And really, I can't remember shouting at him and if ever I did, I just wish I didn't. 

Three months later, six OIC workers called it quits to give way to new experience and adventure. Guess who's one of them?

Goodness I miss them so.

The hypochondriac strikes again

Darn! Our cat Maliksi scratched my left leg (the thigh part). He settled on my lap because he wanted to be petted. When I thought that he already had enough petting, I tried to move him down on the floor. Just as I was lifting him, he suddenly tried to grab my left leg scratching me in the process. And being the paranoid-semi-hypochondriac that I am, I immediately thought that I might get rabies from his scratch. Goodness! Despite the fact the 2 of  friends already assured me that I won't get any rabies from that scratch well I still have my reservations. Although it's rare to acquire rabies via a sratch, still who knows if his nails and paws has his saliva on it.

Gaaaaaddddd!!! If anyhting happens blame it all on the cat. 

Nice boys and girls please stand up

Mommy this is all your fault and your blog entry about nice guys!

Yes, nice guys finish last. Same goes for the good girls out there. But sometimes I think that nice guys are the mediocre type of person as well as the nice girls. Why be the nice one, wait for the person you like and finish last? Why not do something about it? 

hmmm... 

sand man

I've never realized the joys of having an early night sleep until now. I've become a nocturnal creature. Now I wait, count time until sleep would finally claim my conciousness.